Beyond health issues with allergies, reflux, constipation and skin problems lurks an elusive foe. This foe robs Simmi of something that most of us just take for granted…speech.
At 21 months, Simmi can say “ma” but it isn’t “grandma” or “mama”. It is her way of saying “LOOK AT ME.” She will shout “MA!” if no one is looking at her, and when we do look at her, she then smiles politely and takes a deep breath, relieved that she was heard. That’s all she wants-to be heard.
Decoding her language is difficult, because by this point in her development she should be able to say at least one simple word in a meaningful and appropriate way. Every once and a while a true word will slip out, and we get our hopes up that it will stick, but the word stays for only a few days and disappears. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when she does have an appropriate word for an object or person, she herself is surprised and pleased by her own accomplishment. There are times when she can say “bye” or “hi”, but the words come out like the letter “i”. She can point at times, but she doesn’t point to what she wants. She is merely sharing what she sees, which in and of itself is wonderful, because her desire is to show us things that excite her or capture her attention.
Simmi can’t tell me if she is hungry and wants to eat, or if she wants a bottle. She actually did repeat the word “ba ba” a few times, but it was not directed at actually drinking or wanting the bottle…it was only to repeat what I said. At this point, she should be able to say “ba” or “ba ba”, but the words do not come. When we moved out to New Mexico, she started to say some words, started to sing some songs and used a few words in a meaningful and directed way, but those words have disappeared. She can jabber up a storm and tell fantastic stories in her own language, smiling, filled with excitement and laughter, but we have absolutely no idea what she is saying. She can take turns also when members of the family are talking with her and she loves to engage us, but I wonder how she feels inside about the fact that she maybe telling us something and we just agree and say “oh really? Wow!” when in actuality that statement from us may be inappropriate to the content of her conversation.
Her signals seem to get all mixed up non-verbally too. Sometimes if she does manage to shake her head
“no” she actually means to nod her head in order to say “yes.” But those non-verbal cues are few and far between. We work with her on nodding “yes,” but she can only do it after a few times of us doing it. It is the same way for shaking her head “no.” I know it must be very frustrating for her. It causes her to lash out and become very upset. Lately though, she has started to say something that sounds like “stop it.” It comes out like “op ee” or “oh pee” and she is usually angry when she says it. I’m trying to decode it because to me it sounds like “stop it”. Another word she has is “dauby” which she says at regular intervals. If she is in her crib before her morning bottle, she will moan “dauby, dauby, dauby, dauby.” I listen carefully through the monitor, and to me it sounds like she is trying to say “hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry.” I am hoping that “dauby” means “hungry” but then if I have fed her and it’s time for bed at night, when I go to change her diaper, she will start crying and get mad and say “dauby.” So what do I do with that? How do I decode her language barrier to know and understand what she needs and wants?
My daughter Hannah did not speak at all until she was 2 1/2 years old, but I was never concerned about her being non-verbal because she was always able to communicate her needs or wants in other ways appropriately. I knew with Hannah it was just a matter of time before she would spit the words out. When she finally did start speaking, it sounded as though she knew how to speak all along, because she spoke in complete sentences and used words appropriately. This is not the case with Simmi.
I have tried sign language with Simmi also, but she will not have it! I try to do the sign for “more” or “food” and she gets very angry and frustrated. She won’t even try it, and if I take her hands to make the motion, she pulls them away and starts crying. She is able to understand everything we say, and at times she is able to follow simple commands, so I know she is at least able to understand what we are asking her to do. It is so tempting to just give her what I believe she needs when I feel she needs it, but that will not help her to communicate with us. I know exactly how much she eats, when the last bottle was, how often she needs to be changed, and following her facial expressions I can usually pick up on other wants or needs (I definitely don’t get it right all the time!)…but how does that help others in the family or even people outside the family understand her? If I am always anticipating what she may need or want, it leaves her no room to be able to begin to communicate and that would be a huge disservice to her. I hope that the speech therapist will be able to show me very creative ways to get her to speak or even sign so that we can finally decode this language barrier.
Tags: babbling, decoding the language barrier, developmental milestones, jibberish, non-verbal communication, sign language, speech disability, speech disorder, speech therapist
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